Andrew Lenahan's Lexicon

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AUCTION - "I don't like silent auctions.  I went to one once, but I sneezed and got kicked out." - Andrew Lenahan, April 2005

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BEER GOGGLES - "One time after a few too many Guinness Stouts I got all the way to third base with this one chick but then I realised that she was actually a life-size cardboard cutout of Mike Ditka." - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Dec 2003

BOOBIES - "There's no such thing as too many boobies. Except for three boobies." - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Oct 2003

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CHICKS, DEMANDING - "Chicks can be really demanding sometimes, you know?  Like I hate it when I have to take them back to my apartment.  What, like the parking lot behind Dunkin' Donuts isn't good enough for Her Majesty?" - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Sept 2003

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Death (Andrew Lenahan's)

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Epoch (Andrew Lenahan's)

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GAMER, TRUE - A true gamer should be able to offer authentic comparisons between at least two generations of games. An example...
Newbie: Wind Waker rocks!
Gamer: Wind Waker was much better than Majora's Mask, but not as good as Ocarina Of Time.
Veteran: Link To The Past has you all beat.
Legend: When I made my own dungeon maps of the first Zelda, the fourth dungeon is shaped like a swastika! Weird, huh?
Miyamoto: I created Link.
Keebler: We created elves.
Tolkein: No, I did.
Gaelic storytellers 600-850 AD: No, we did.
God: I created all of you, so shut up.

GENIUS - "'Genius' is a term that gets tossed around far too much these days, and has been applied to just about everyone who doesn't actually carry around a drool bucket." - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Jan 2004

GHOST - See SUPERNATURAL

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HAIR IN THE SINK - "They're just leaving it for the next person to use. In college I had a thriving business selling handmade merkins." - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Sept 2003

HUGS - "Rare indeed are the days in which hugs aren't necessary." - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Oct 2003

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IMMATURITY - see MATURITY

INNER MONOLOGUE - "I don't have an inner monologue.  I have an inner aria." - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Aug 2003

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MATURITY - "Immaturity is when you make farty noises with your armpits.  Maturity is when you don't do that anymore because afterwards you get tired and need a nap." - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Nov 2003

MEANING OF LIFE, THE - "To preserve and defend." - on DA, Dec 2003

MONOGAMY - "I tried monogamy once.  Really, I did.  Unfortunately the very next day I met a pair of saimese twins." - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Sept 2003

MONOLOGUE - see INNER MONOLOGUE

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Names (Andrew Lenahan's)

GENERAL INFORMATION

Author: Andrew Lenahan
Category: Short Story
Keywords: first-person, culture, satire

AWARDS

First Place, Drexel Essay Competition 

VERSION HISTORY

1.0 (Original Version)
Completion Date: October 14, 1998

COMMENTARY

"Names is impenetrable as an armadillo, with the satire being so subtle that many readers just didn't 'get it' and took it entirely at face value.   Perhaps the most memorable thing about Names was that it managed to win  the Drexel Essay prize without even being an essay.  Then, at the awards ceremony in Philadelphia, as I recall, some people in the audience actually noticed that it wasn't an essay.  Well, it's too late to do anything about that now, they've already signed the cheque!"
Andrew Lenahan
November 22, 2002
from Andrew Lenahan's Lexicon

RELATED WORKS

Andrew Lenahan's Names Cover Image (2002)

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SEGA MEGA DRIVE (game system) - The Mega Drive was a car that could also play Genesis games while stopped at red lights. It was in the shape of a giant Sonic head and came with stickers of various Sega characters to put on the sides and hood.  There was an optional Master System attachment which plugged into the cigarette lighter.

SILENT AUCTION - See AUCTION

SINK, HAIR IN THE - See HAIR 

SUPERNATURAL - "I saw four ghosts once. But then I ran out of quarters." - Andrew Lenahan, DA, Oct 2003

Starblind (Andrew Lenahan's)

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TATTOO (n) - "I have the complete text of Shakespeare's "Hamlet" tattooed on one body part.  I won't say which one, but you can't read Act IV or V when it's cold in the room."  - Andrew Lenahan, August 27, 2003.

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WRESTLING (n) - "Wrestling, by which I mean the high-school kind rather than the fake professional kind, must be a serious contender for dullest spectator sport of all time.  There's very little to be said for a competition where the basic concepts seem to be 'get on the floor and cuddle.'"  - Andrew Lenahan, November 22, 2003.

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